


Christmas Wishes

by xDemonPonx



Category: Alice Nine
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 23:59:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2327882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDemonPonx/pseuds/xDemonPonx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shou has always loved his guitarist from afar and finally confesses his feelings</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Wishes

**Author's Note:**

> Done a few years ago when I thought I would be spending xmas in Nagasaki. And yes, the white ShouPon fangirl is me xD

It's a tradition for us to do a Christmas show in Tokyo. It's one of those things, it feels right. This year though, our show will be in Nagasaki. I don't mind at all, it gives other fans a chance to see us. Besides, you'll be there, it doesn't matter if we perform in Tokyo, Nagasaki or outer space.

I can't even pinpoint when I first fell for you. When you first joined our band, you held a certain naivety, purity. I did my best to guide you but in a way so that you didn't lose that innocence. The bond we formed in those early days had never really faded. Before I knew it, the bond had turned into a red thread connecting our hearts, but only I could see it. In my constantly-changing life, you have been the one constant, a flame burning bright, touched by this world but not wholly a part of it.

Your innocence has always made my advances seem like the affection one gives to a very close friend, not a lover. How ironic that one part of you I wanted so badly to maintain is the reason you can't see the truth about how I feel.

If only I could tell you, could spell my feelings out to you. That thought sounds insane the second it crosses my mind. I've been down this road before, a million times, and it always leads to the same place; telling you would be selfish. There is so much more at stake here.

The band we've all put our hearts and souls into for nine years, the thing none of us could live without. If we had a fight, could our band really survive it? Every day, there would be tension between us, suppressed until one day it exploded. If we were to fight, everyone would be obliged to choose sides and the five of us would eternally have issues with each other. Even if we DIDN'T fight, became one of those everlasting couples (which would be fine with me; I can't imagine wanting anyone else), I bet the band would be different. We'd retreat into our own little bubble, shutting out not only the other bandmates but the fans -to whom we owe everything- as well. No, our professional life is too precious to risk.

Our personal friendship has it's own complications too. Imagine if I was to tell you how I felt and you were to get angry; uncomfortable with the fact another man thinks you're beautiful and awkward talking to someone whom you know wishes it could be more. No, I'd rather admire you from afar as a friend than confess and not have you in my life at all. Say for a moment all I hope for was to come true; we still wouldn't be the same. For all the best intentions people have, a relationship so often changes even the closest of friends and people see each other in a new light.

We rehearse for the show, you oblivious as always. The words of TSUBASA so true; if I could, I'd tell you that I'd always be there. Every lyric I've ever written has something of you and maybe one day you'll realize that, see that every step I have taken has been to bring myself closer to you. Stargazer:, about how precious every moment with you is to me, Fantasy, how I'd feel if I lost you, Corona, how my life was before I met you and a promise we'll never be apart. Others too, every lyric I've ever written a baring of my soul, if only you could see. Maybe one day you'll understand how I feel but for now, I'll write my lyrics and hope you realize it's for you.

After practice, I offer you a ride home seeing as how it's not too far out of my way. On our way, we decide to stop for some yakiniku. I am not opposed to this; I've been craving it. The truth is though, I could be eating a pile of dirt so long as it's with you.

Our host brings us out slices of beef we race to drop on the grill. Mine reaches first and I stick my tongue out playfully. You jab me with your chopsticks. I try to retaliate and am parried away. Before long, a full-scale war has erupted. The other customers look around, wondering why two grown men are laughing like children, swinging chopsticks around like mini kendo poles, thrusting and generally acting like idiots.

It's moments like these I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Moments we can be ourselves, totally silly with no boundaries. If our “cool” Visual Kei image hadn't already been ruined, any fangirl who saw us would immediately label us “The Biggest Dorks In The World”. Only you bring out this side of me, I'm just a regular guy around everyone else but being with you causes me to let go, and it feels perfectly natural to be silly like this.

As our “war” settles down, we notice the vegetables and begin heaping them onto the grill too. I don't even remember how things ended, your smiling face filling my mind.  
  
As the place closes, we reluctantly leave and I drive you home. After you close the door, I gaze at your back, again softly whispering three little words I can never say to your face.  
  
We stand just backstage, about to perform our show in Nagasaki. Here we are, about to do what we love. For a few hours at least, nothing else matters.

We head out to the stage. I throw myself wholeheartedly into the performance, wanting nothing more than to make this show amazing for all these people who give their all to make OUR dreams come true. I try to forget about you, the pretty blond guitarist on my left. Can't think too much about you or I'll forget my words.

As usual, without even thinking about what I'm doing, I make my way over and begin groping you. What's that loud noise drowning out even Nao's drums? Oh, that's my heart.

A weird-looking white girl screams at our contact. I feel like that inside. My insides are all fluttering from touching you. I kiss you to more screams and take my place back at center-stage, continuing to sing as if everything is normal. Sure, if normal entails feeling as though my heart's about to burst out of my chest and jump into your hands.

Maybe one day, you'll realize that I want to do those things to you on a personal level and not just as fanservice. Until that day, I'll just keep up this display, “staged” touches better than no touches at all.  
  
The show finishes and I don't quite know how but everyone else leaves fast and leaves the two of us alone. I look over at you. I'm not sure what's different tonight but suddenly, all my feelings are spilling from my mouth, as if there has been a sudden disconnect between the parts of my brain that control logical thought and speech.  
You stare at me in stunned silence for a minute that feels like an eternity before you stand up on tiptoe and kiss me. After a few seconds, you pull back and tell me you feel the same way and always have.

Is this for real? Maybe I'll wake up and find this is a dream, that my confused heart is just as confused as ever. No, those are you lips on mine. A Christmas miracle.  
What can really change? We've both felt the same as long as we've known each other. The only difference now is those feelings are out in the open. Nothing has to change. Besides, don't we owe it to ourselves to see where we can end up?

We lace our fingers together and walk outside and towards the hotel. It isn't too far and besides, this moment is worth prolonging. It begins to gently snow, a perfect addition to the romance. The stars twinkle down on us. I've never appreciated before how beautiful the night is. One thing I know for sure; I won't be spending this magical night alone.


End file.
